Ask Auntie Sacker

A Friend Indeed

2006-01-19T09:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Auntie Sacker,

It has been some time since I have had the privilege of reading your writing, in any forum. I was grateful to find your blog site and delighted to read your wonderful words of wisdom and sage advice.

Perhaps you can turn that wonderful mind towards this problem? What happens to friendships over the years and why do people who seemingly love one another so greatly drift apart?

Missing a dear friend and companion. Can you help?

A Playful Shadow

Dear Playful,

There is an old adage that says, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Personally, Auntie Sacker thinks this is more myth than fact. The truth is that life has a habit of eating away at friendships by consuming a person's time, energy and interests. One day goes by without touching base with an old friend, and then another passes, and then another, and with each passing day, it becomes easier to do without touching base. The next thing you know, you've gone from a dear friendship to exchanging Christmas cards and forwarding chain emails.

Of course, there are many other reasons for fading friendships, none of which have anything to do with absence, distance or the demands of life. Sometimes it's just a matter of misunderstandings or failed communication. These kinds of situations have a way of driving a wedge into a friendship.

Generally speaking, barring some major betrayal, there are few good reasons for a friendship to fade. If you have a friend who seems to be drifting away, and you value that friendship, your best option is always to speak up. In many cases, it's quite likely that your friend doesn't even realize that he or she isn't quite holding up his or her end of the relationship. If the friendship is floundering because of some misunderstanding, do your best to figure out where the misunderstanding happened and to correct it. When both parties in a friendship value the friendship, such corrective measures are usually successful.

However, it is important to keep in mind, as well, that people change over time. What they once valued, they may value less at some time in the future. What two people had in common in past years, they may not have in common in later years. In such cases, both parties can try to keep the friendship alive, but more often than not, without any common ground between them, the friendship falters and becomes a pleasant memory.

All that said, Auntie Sacker believes that it isn't possible to have too many good friends. Life tends to be stingy with friends, and therefore it is important to value those who truly become friends.

Best of luck to you!

Editor's Note:

I think it only fair to let the readers know that the above letter was written by a dear friend of Auntie Sacker's. The friendship in question is the friendship between Auntie Sacker and Playful. While you, gentle readers, don't get to know the details of the rift between them, I do want to assure you that Playful and Auntie Sacker have every intention of closing that rift once more.

Incidentally, Playful happens to be an amazing poet. Several years ago, she published an anthology. I believe she has another nearing publication, along with a novel. While Auntie Sacker can't tell you who she is, if you email Auntie Sacker with "Poet" as the subject, "she" will share your interest with Playful.

--Ed.

What's in a Name

2005-11-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Auntie Sacker,

Hi

Would like to know where the name Sacker originates from as I'm also a Sacker.

Am told possibly German...

Many thanks,

A Real Sacker

Dear Sacker,

Auntie Sacker comes by "her" name by way of an old nickname, not by any family relationship. However, as you obviously know, Sacker is a legitimate surname. The name "Sacker" is most likely of Anglo-Saxon origin, though it could also be of Norman origin. If your family name is Anglo-Saxon in origin, then you could say that the name is "germanic", but not really "German". However, if your family tree is rooted more firmly among the Normans, then the name was probably originally "Sakette" (or something similar). The Normans were from part of what is modern-day France. In either case, Sacker is what is often referred to as a "trade name". That is, the name describes the work that people with this name used to do.

In the case of the surname "Sacker", the original bearers of the name probably worked in the wool trade. Their job would have been that of putting wool into bags after the sheep had been sheared. I highly recommend starting a family genealogy project. They are a lot of fun, and you will learn a great deal about your personal heritage. Your nearest local bookstore or library will have some excellent books and kits to help you get started. You can also start by visiting the USGenWeb project. It's a great electronic resource for locating branches of your family tree. Auntie Sacker has traced some branches of "her" family tree back to the year 1012.

Best of luck to you!

In the Sandbox

2005-09-28T02:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Auntie Sacker,
I have an 18 mos old son named Bugsy. He is, as my mother says, "all boy". Meaning he is going to have more scars than skin by the time he's 18 (if he lives that long). How can I keep my precious wittle diddydumkins safe from cuts, scrapes,bruises, bumps and life in general?

A Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother,

First of all, congratulations to you! Children are so wonderful.

Your letter expresses the very heart of most parents' concerns about their children. They don't want to see their children suffer even the slightest bump or scrape. But the simple reality is that you simply cannot protect your children from everything, and in some cases you really don't want to. This is a case where you have to learn wisdom on the fly, at least enough to know how to "pick your battles".

You want to make sure you guide your son away from the things that are seriously dangerous, but you don't want to make him afraid of every little thing in the process. So, don't let him play with matches, for example. On the other hand, when he is at the park, jumping off the picnic tables, pretending he is his favorite superhero, take a very deep breath and enjoy his fantasy with him. Teach him how to cross the street safely, but let him get as muddy as he wants to.

Believe it or not, the little bumps and scrapes our children get at play when they are young are the very things that will help them deal with the bigger hurts life might dish out to them as they get older. In those times, be ready to "be there" for your child, but give up all hope of protecting him from such things.

Ultimately, your best hope of making sure your son is happy in life, no matter how many bumps, breaks, bruises, or broken hearts he might have to endure, is to make sure you show him every day just how much you love him, even when he is as rotten as mold. That knowledge of love is like a battery he can draw from when life isn't being particularly kind to him.

You are in for a wonderful and frightening ride. Buckle up and enjoy it, though. That's what makes the journey worth it.

Best of luck to you!

I Lost My Wheel of Cheese

2005-08-11T06:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Auntie Sacker,

I have lost my wheel of cheese... Have you seen it? It was last spotted in a large can of vegetables... Any assistance would be welcome.

Cheese Hunter

Dear Cheese Hunter,

In fact, I have, indeed, spotted your wheel of cheese. It was stolen by a particularly nasty Neopet who forces you to buy your cheese back from him. The dastardly fellow then gives you one minute to chase your cheese down a hill. If you take longer than a minute, however, I'm afraid he repossesses the cheese wheel.

You can contact the rude fellow by clicking here

Best of luck to you!

Minding Your Manners

2005-08-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Auntie Sacker,

I come from a large family where dinnertime was always a very noisy and wild affair. We didn't bother with different forks for different foods or a lot of pleases and thank yous. I just recently started dating a woman who is an only child and comes from a very wealthy background. She is very big on table manners and "etiquette" and gets upset with me because I don't know a salad fork from a dinner fork or how to use a linen napkin. Personally I don't see what the big deal is. All this manners stuff she is in to just seems to complicate what should be a nice meal. Am I looking at this whole thing the wrong way?

Mannerless in Kentucky

Dear Mannerless,

Whether you are looking at things the right way or the wrong way depends on whether you want to change your way of thinking to keep your new woman friend happy. I have a different view on manners than do many people. Like you, I was raised in a large family where the evening meal was very raucous and fun; we didn't bother much with table manners, either. When I got older and began taking meals with dates or friends, etc., I discovered that I was poorly trained in manners, but I wasn't certain I was bothered by that.

Later in life, I decided to research the history of manners. I just wasn't convinced they were an absolutely necessary part of life. I discovered in my research that manners have a rather unpleasant beginning. They were originally different patterns of behavior at meals and in social gatherings, purposely designed to single out those who did not belong with the group. In other words, nobles, royals and other "high" members of society developed manners for the purpose of separating themselves from the "commoners". With that in mind, I'm not particulary interested in learning the finer points of manners and etiquette. I find such things to be classist.

That said, however, I do find it agreeable to ask for things politely or know when to offer food or drink to a guest. I like it when people say please to me, and I like it when they say thank you to me. So I do the same. That's about as far as I am willing to go, however. In your situation, you simply have to decide how far you are willing to go in this area. Find a reasonable compromise between what you are comfortable with and what your friend's expectations are.

Best of luck to you!

Living a Fantasy

2005-08-05T09:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

As I've browsed various online forums this week, I have seen several posts by young women who are concerned that they may be pregnant. In each case I saw comments along the lines of "I use birth control, and sometimes we use condoms." Auntie Sacker is very troubled by this.

Please, please, young people, you must understand that if you are going to be sexually active, you must use a condom every single time you have sex! I simply cannot stress this enough. Sex is far too risky these days, and an unprotected moment of passion today can alter the rest of your life in ways you never wanted. Please be careful out there.

Dear Auntie Sacker,

Since our twin sons moved out last month to where they will be going to college, my husband has taken over their computer. He has started playing this online role playing game. At first I thought it was nice that he was finally taking an interest in computers. But now I'm not so sure. Since he started playing this game, he is on it all evening and sometimes he doesn't even come to bed at night. He hardly talks to me at all now, unless it has something to do with the game. I've tried to tell him that I think he is spending too much time on the computer now, but he won't listen to me. What should I do?

Not Living the Fantasy

Dear Fantasy,

What you've described is a common reaction to the proverbial empty nest syndrome. Yes, even fathers can suffer that malady. Without your sons around to fill his evenings, your husband is feeling alone and adrift. This especially happens if couples haven't invested a lot in keeping their relationship thriving, in favor of childrearing.

I wonder if you have more than one computer in your home. If you do, let me suggest that you open an account in the role playing game, without telling your husband you've done so. The next time he is on, you get onto the game as well, and then let him know you are there. Even if you hate the game, let him believe you are interested. If you can't talk in the real world, you can start some dialog in the game.

Once you've got him talking in the game, start flirting with him and get his interest focused on the real you, instead of the game character. It shouldn't take long to get him to be more aware of you. From there, agree to play the game with him from time to time, as long as he promises to give you some "real world" time as well.

Best of luck to you!

The Bright Red Car

2005-08-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Auntie Sacker,

I started working to save up money to buy a car nearly two years ago. Now that I am almost 17 and I have enough money to buy the car I want, which is a red '72 Mustang convertable, my parents won't let me buy it! It's my money, and I think I should be able to spend it on the car I want. What do you think?

Wannabe Driver

Dear Wannabe,

The fact that you are 16 tells me something very important about this situation. More than likely, your parents are required to carry you on their insurance. Even with good student discounts and such, the cost of carrying a 16 year old in that particular car would be burdensome. It is also unfortunately true that the car you want is typically dangerous for teens. I'm sure your parents are considering these things when they tell you that you can't buy this particular car. I'm sorry, but in this case, your parents win.

Welcome to Ask Auntie Sacker

2005-07-29T10:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome! Ask Auntie Sacker is now open. If you have questions about anything, just Ask Auntie Sacker. If "she" doesn't know the answer, "she'll" find it for you!

Please make sure to read the disclaimer and other information before requesting advice or using the advice you see posted here.